"If someone wants to be a part of your life they'll make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay"I've had a lot of issues with this lately. Feeling this way, questioning my feelings, questioning my friends, etc. But I want us all to think about this quote (and others like it) before we start using them and holding grudges like I have.
Here are my thoughts: If you're feeling this way isn't it possible that your friend (ex-friend, lover, whoever) could be feeling the same way too? That is assuming that you've just left it up to the other person to make all the friendly effort. If that's the case, then it's quite possible that the other person has the same feelings and is holding this same grudge against you thinking that you're not trying hard enough to be a friend so why even bother? But why cut them out prematurely if you don't even know what's going on?
Since I've been back home with my parents, and in a town filled with all my school friends, I've been very shy and reserved around friends. This is especially because they have jobs and I don't, and I figured that if/when they have free time they will contact me. But you see, the thing with being busy is that you forget a lot of things (friends included) and the ones that aren't "in your face" to hang out get pushed to the back-burner. But then again, there are friends who, even though they are extremely busy, will try their hardest to hang out with you. I feel like I've been pushed to the back, but then again, I'm not doing my best to put myself out there. There are two sides to every story.
I guess what I'm trying to have you get from this is that if you're making an effort and the other person isn't reciprocating, that's probably a good sign you should let them go. But if neither one of you are making an effort, and you still want to be friends, maybe you should be the one to step up and talk to them instead of continuing to let your anger and resentment build. Then if they don't reciprocate, feel free to hate and resent them all you like, lol.
I so agree with you! I had that issue a few years back where I kind of took a step back and lost a lot of friends and at the time I was thinking they were so two faced for dropping me as a friend. But, I wasn't being a friend to them either, so why would they have put in effort since I wasn't? I lost almost all of my really close friends in college because of that and I'm definitely still kicking myself.
ReplyDeleteI do also agree with your reciprocating point. Lately, I've seen that a lot with women wanting a man to like them. I just want to shake them! If he isn't calling, it's for a reason. If he only calls you at 2am for a booty call, it's for a reason. If he is dating someone else, it's for a reason. And that reason, isn't love haha. Some people need to have more self respect for sure.
I agree with the friendship part. I have become hesitant about friendships lately because I seem to drive people away. Either I am too friendly or not friendly enough. So I am skiddish. I dont like to be a bother. I also get a lot of women who dont like that I speak my mind even if it involves subjects they dont think I have any insight on. I do think you are very right about the friend part. After a certain amount of "rejection" I stopped trying and dont really put myself out much anymore. I dont like getting hurt but hey who does!
ReplyDeleteHowever when it comes to men, I think a lot of women need to hear that phrase. I think that sometimes as women (I am guilty of this too!) we put ourselves too far out there and try to hard to get men to like us instead of just letting them like us for who we are. We try to hard to adapt to be what they want, and then we end up miserable. If they dont want us the way we are... TOUGH! We are worth it! :)
Such good words of wisdom. I've been feeling like this a lot lately, wondering why my friends seem to be distant or feeling like people don't care. I'm also shy about contacting people thinking that maybe I come across as too pushy or needy. This deployment makes it harder to stay in touch with friends because I do forget to contact them with all the other things I have going on. I never thought that maybe they might be waiting on my, either so they are not bothering me because I am busy or maybe thinking that I'm the one who doesn't care. Thanks for sharing this and opening my eyes!
ReplyDelete